I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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