I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
