dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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