I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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