the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
