Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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