once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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