I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize