Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
