If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
