I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
