so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
