I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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