he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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