I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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