I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
