Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Randomize
