I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize