used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
