I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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