I wish my penis had an off switch
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Send help, water and tortillas.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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