Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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