she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
