Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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