So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
