the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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