Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
