He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
