Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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