So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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