i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
