I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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