your thong is hanging out like whoa
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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