i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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