My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
