i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
