it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
