life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
