onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
