I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
