I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Welp...herpes.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i dont even know how to be here
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
