Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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