We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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