'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
