ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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