I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
