If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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