I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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