i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize