and she was petting her beer can
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
