You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
