the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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