Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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