If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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