by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
