Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
