WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
