He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We just shotgunned beers for America
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
