dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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