i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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