The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
