he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
