How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm bleeding and have questions
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
