I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
