I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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