If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
