You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
These tits shall not be calmed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
