to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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