Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
