I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
