She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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