Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I will pee on everything he values.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I believe in your delicious
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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