omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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