I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
