Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
