I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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