is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
