i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
