I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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